I came across this highly entertaining article about high school teachers submitting the worst (or best) analogies their students had made over the numerous years of grading their papers.

Here is the original article: http://www.losteyeball.com/index.php/2007/06/19/56-worstbest-analogies-of-high-school-students/

I’ve picked out my favourite 20 lines. If you are interested in the rest, please refer to the original article!

1. Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.

2. He was as tall as a 6′3″ tree.

3. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

4. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

5. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

6. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

7. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

8. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

10. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

11. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

12. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

13. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

14. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

15. They were as good friends as the people on “Friends.”

16. I felt a nameless dread. Well, there probably is a long German name for it, like Geschpooklichkeit or something, but I don’t speak German. Anyway, it’s a dread that nobody knows the name for, like those little square plastic gizmos that close your bread bags. I don’t know the name for those either.

17. Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake.

18. The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating electric fan set on medium.

19. The sunset displayed rich, spectacular hues like a .jpeg file at 10 percent cyan, 10 percent magenta, 60 percent yellow and 10 percent black.

20. Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like “Second Tall Man.”

The last one sounds really cheesy, but I like it. Heh heh.

Even though some of these analogies were really cheesy or poor, sometimes I wished I could write as “cheesy” as these students when I was a high school student. My English essays in the past were not even worth any attention since I had the least of flairs and vocabularies to back me up. If only I had the sense of humour to replace this vacuum of writing skills, I might have at least enjoyed my English essays.

Till then~!